Jennifer really didn’t like to be rude, but Harriet the House Plant just would not take a hint and stop talking.
FADE IN: INT. DA BLOCK Longtime assistant manager JENNIFER LOPEZ interviews for a manager's position at SHMALL-MART. JENNIFER LOPEZ As you can see, I have great relationships with our regulars, and this has helped me enhance our in-store experience and generate more revenue. LARRY MILLER Very impressive. Unfortunately, you don't have a college degree, so I'm afraid you're stuck nodding along with this MBA from Duke. INSULT TO THE GOOD NAME OF THE FUQUA SCHOOL OF BUSINESS Client-driven synergy leverages core competencies and enables holistic integration. (snorts a line of coke) JENNIFER LOPEZ THAT'S what a college degree turns you into? Well, maybe I should find a job somewhere that values my skills! LARRY MILLER You probably won't until a giant pile of sheer blind luck lands in your lap. This fleece vest and lanyard will be waiting for you when you come crawling back. JENNIFER goes home to complain to her best friend, LEAH REMINI. JENNIFER LOPEZ How DARE they hire someone who understands other aspects of this business beyond customer service? LEAH REMINI Right? But since my and my son Dalton's lives revolve completely around you, we've cooked up a zany scheme to carry us through the rest of the movie. JENNIFER LOPEZ Does it have to be zany? LEAH REMINI The guy who directed Nutty Professor II is responsible for this. Of course it does. INT. THE CITY JENNIFER is called in for an interview with TREAT WILLIAMS, president of FLOCTER & ZAMBLE, and his top exec and daughter, VANESSA HUDGENS. TREAT WILLIAMS I must say, I've never seen a more sparkling résumé than this. Two Ivy League degrees, a Nobel Prize for Physics, a Stanley Cup, eight Razzie noms, AND you breed champion alpacas. Where do you get your energy? JENNIFER LOPEZ (agape) Uh... uh... uh... TREAT WILLIAMS Modest, too! So, what do you think we could be doing differently? JENNIFER LOPEZ (agape) Uh... skin cream... bullshit? TREAT WILLIAMS What refreshing directness! You're hired. VANESSA HUDGENS Dad, if she was actually this fantastically super-awesome, we would have heard of her a long time ago. Shouldn't we do some reference checks? TREAT WILLIAMS Don't be silly, Vanessa. Reference checks are the tool of spiteful British men, and we only have one of those. She's in. JENNIFER returns to DA BLOCK. JENNIFER LOPEZ Dalton, exactly how zany WAS this scheme? DALTON HARROD Pretty standard, actually. I created a fake LinkedIn page that grossly inflates your credentials. As in, it gives you some. And just for good measure, I changed your name to one that makes you sound more talented and credible in your field. From now on, you shall be known as "Gloria Estefan." JENNIFER LOPEZ Harsh. JENNIFER's boyfriend, MILO VENTIMIGLIA, enters.