“Are you down to clown?”
FADE IN: EXT. A PLAIN OF DERRY, MAINE THAT’S MAINLY IN THE RAIN - DAY, 1960 TONY DAKOTA is playing with a PAPER BOAT in the GUTTERS along the street. TONY DAKOTA Golly, I sure love boats! And my brother! And having two arms! His BOAT pours into a STORM DRAIN, where a CLOWN picks it up. CLOWN (smiles) Hiya, Tony! You want your boat back? Reach that juicy little arm down here and grab it! TONY DAKOTA My parents told me not to talk to strange clowns I find in the sewer... CLOWN My name is Timmywise the Dancing Curry! I’m a shapeshifting, child-eating alien that took on the image of a clown because kids love clowns! I also took on this gruff, chain-smoker voice because kids love Jimmy Durante, right? TONY DAKOTA I guess we’re not strangers anymore! You’re so disARMing! TIMMYWISE THE DANCING CURRY (puts on lobster bib) Great! Now reach in and grab your boat! I’ll give you a free balloon! TONY DAKOTA (reaches into sewer) Do they float? TIMMYWISE THE DANCING CURRY (grabs arm) Yes! They float! (bares razor-sharp fangs) Down here, YOU’LL FLOAT TOO! HA-CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA! EXT. DERRY - DAY, 1990 The POLICE are investigating a LITTLE GIRL’S DISAPPEARANCE. The ONLY BLACK PERSON IN TOWN, TIM REID enters. TIM REID Has another child been murdered?! IT’s back... POLICE OFFICER Don’t give me another one of your “sewer clown” theories! All we’ve found is a trail of blood leading to the sewer, some balloon animals- (holds up balloon poodle) -and this picture of Tony Dakota, who was murdered in a similar way exactly 30 years ago. TIM REID (facepalms) EXT. FOREST - DAY, 1960 TIM FLASHES BACK to when he was played by MARLON TAYLOR. He is being CHASED by THREE GREASER DOUCHEBAGS, led by JARRED “FLOCK OF SEAGULLS” BLANCARD. MARLON "THE BLACK KID" TAYLOR Help! I just ran- (breathes heavily) I ran so far away- (collapses) I couldn’t get away... MARLON falls near a RIVER and a group of LOSER KIDS run to his aid. “STUTTERING” JONATHAN BRANDIS What the f-f-f- SETH “COMIC RELIEF” GREEN What the fuck happened to you?! JARRED AND THE JETSSSSSS run up. A JAZZY BEAT fades in. JARRED “FLOCK OF SEAGULLS” BLANCARD (singing) Boy, boy, colored boy, Be COOL, boy! I’ll put a ROCKET in your POCKET, Blow off your jewels, boy! (snaps fingers rhythmically) Don’t get hot- JARRED is interrupted by a ROCK IN THE FACE. THE LOSERS start PELTING them with STONES.