To Bumblebee all humans are basically just stray cats.
FADE IN: INT. CYBERTRON FUCKING HUGE FUCKING ROBOTS are murdering THE FUCKING SHIT out of each other but the GOOD MURDERBOTS are LOSING. PETER CULLENBOT Oh no! Where is our gimpiest solider Dylan O'Brienbot! We can’t win this fight without him! DYLAN O'BRIENBOT (transforms from car form) (decapitates Decepticon) (uses severed head as a soccer ball to hit another evilbot) PETER CULLENBOT Holy shit, if you could do that like 5,000 more times we might actually win this war! DYLAN O’BRIENBOT Sorry, every fight after this I will get my metal ass unceremoniously stomped into jelly. PETER CULLENBOT Hey, how come the editor isn’t cutting to a new shot every 0.06 seconds and the audience can easily follow what’s happening? Did Michael Bay finally kick his cocaine habit? DYLAN O’BRIENBOT No Bay’s been replaced with the guy who did Kubo. PETER CULLENBOT Hallefuckinlujah this might actually be a not shitty Transformers movie! Autobots fall back! Dylan, I’m sending you to set up a base on a hidden planet known as Earth. DYLAN O’BRIENBOT Wait we’ve never been there? But didn’t I just transform into a car and aren’t half the Decepticons flying around as fighter jets? PETER CULLENBOT That’s what we get for posting all our advanced vehicle designs on Reddit. Now vamoos. INT. A FOREST ON EARTH - 1987 The military is having a training exercise headed by JOHN CENA who is a PRICK, but he cares about his soldiers so on the PRICK SCALE he’s somewhere between SHIA LABEOUF and an alternate reality where SHIA LABEOUF isn’t a RAGING PRICK. JOHN CENA Shit! My entire unit just got accidently fragged by Dylan O’Brienbot landing on either! Quickly everyone, hunt him down with our giant jeep mounted harpoon guns! Wait why do we have these? The history books must have left out all the 15 foot tall Russians we fought in the cold war. DYLAN O’BRIENBOT (harpooned!) Argh! You damaged my computer core! Now I can’t save you from evil Decepticon Blitzwing on sale for $43.99 wherever toys are sold! BLITZWING (frags John Cena and his team!) Let us fight Dylan! Wait I’m like 3 times taller than you, I’m guessing you get no matches on Robo-Tinder. Now tell me where your friends are! DYLAN O’BRIENBOT I’ll never talk! BLITZWING Then let’s make it official so it lines up with the canon! (rips out Dylan’s voice box!) Wait how exactly am I supposed to get information out of you now? I didn’t think this through. DYLAN O’BRIENBOT Ha! I stuck a missile in your chest and then blew you up! Oh right, even though I lost my voice I will continue to speak in this script because fuck you it’s funnier. DYLAN O’BRIENBOT has suffered too much ass kicking and his systems begin to shut down!