A Walk to Remember: The Abridged Script


By 10 p.m., the preachers from the Church of the Ugly Shirts were still refusing to get off Shane’s lawn.


FADE IN:

INT.  HIGH SCHOOL

SHANE WEST meets with PRINCIPAL DAVID ANDREWS.

                            PRINCIPAL DAVID
                                ANDREWS
               Young man, we have had enough of your
               PG-rated version of teenage rebellion. 
               Because you made a dorky kid jump into
               some water, the football team is no longer
               able to pants him and drag him along the
               track, which will ruin morale for the rest
               of the season.

                               SHANE WEST
               Is that really why you're upset with me? 
               Or is it because I'm raking in all the
               17-year-old pussy you thought you'd rake
               in?

                            PRINCIPAL DAVID
                                ANDREWS
               Erm...  well...  The point is, you're
               going to hang out with your saintly
               classmate Mandy Moore for the next few
               weeks and--

                               SHANE WEST
               Turn her into the prom queen.

                            PRINCIPAL DAVID
                                ANDREWS
               What?  No, SHE is going to turn YOU into a
               decent human being--

                               SHANE WEST
               WHILE I turn her into the prom queen and,
               in the process, feel bad about deceiving
               her.

                            PRINCIPAL DAVID
                                ANDREWS
               Look, this could easily be that kind of
               movie considering everyone in it is a teen
               comedy stock character, but we are playing
               this dead fucking straight, okay?  We've
               been written by a man who has no sense of
               humor or irony and we just have to live
               with that.

                               SHANE WEST
               Sure, kind of how you have to live with
               the fact that I'm raking in--

                            PRINCIPAL DAVID
                                ANDREWS
               SHUT UP.

SHANE leaves to sit on a BUS, sit in a CLASSROOM, sit in a CAR, and sit
in a HOUSE with MANDY MOORE as they work on a SCHOOL PLAY that he
doesn't care about.

                               SHANE WEST
               I don't take you seriously.  You're a
               goody two-shoes who can't dress.

                              MANDY MOORE
               I don't take you seriously, either. 
               You're an ABC family drama version of a
               bad boy who will end up assistant-managing
               a RadioShack if he's lucky.

                               SHANE WEST
               ...Wow.  I take you more seriously because
               I didn't make you cry.

                              MANDY MOORE
               Well, there's #42 crossed off my bucket
               list: "Make Shane West take something
               seriously."

                               SHANE WEST
               You're lucky you have an interest in
               astronomy and fairly decent snark
               capability.  If you were actually
               one-dimensional, you wouldn't have a
               prayer.

                              MANDY MOORE
               And there's #43: "Make Shane West pay me a
               compliment." At least, I think that was a
               compliment.

SHANE's friends--bitchy ex-girlfriend LAUREN GERMAN, white douchebag
CLAYNE CRAWFORD, and black comic relief AL THOMPSON--appear.

                               SHANE WEST
               Nope.  You suck.  Go die in a church
               donation box.

                              AL THOMPSON
               DAMN!

SHANE's FRIENDS leave.

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