“I’m pretty sure loofahs aren’t supposed to be this pointy.”
FADE IN: INT. ELM STREET AMANDA WYSS is having a nightmare. ROBERT ENGLAND I am a dream demon. I am going to terrify you with my fedora and stretch arms. AMANDA WYSS Cool. She wakes up and meets with her friends HEATHER LANGENKAMP, JOHNNY DEPP and her boyfriend JSU GARCIA. HEATHER LANGENKAMP I dreamed about that guy too. JOHNNY DEPP Me too. JSU GARCIA Me too. AMANDA WYSS Pure coincidence. Let us forget all about the scary man with finger knives and never discuss this ever again. After sex with JSU, AMANDA falls asleep. ROBERT ENGLUND Okay this time I’m going to kill you. AMANDA WYSS Alright then. JSU wakes up to find AMANDA being slashed up and dragged across the ceiling. JSU GARCIA How do I explain this to the cops? SHERIFF JOHN SAXON From the inside of a cell after you sign this confession. JSU GARCIA (runs away, guiltily) HEATHER LANGENKAMP But Daddy John, it wasn’t Jsu, it was the dream man with the finger knives. SHERIFF JOHN SAXON You mean the pedo all the town’s parents vigilante killed years ago? No way. Lay off the smack sweetheart. HEATHER falls asleep in class and has a nightmare. ROBERT ENGLUND I am going to terrorize you with my ugly Christmas sweater. HEATHER LANGENKAMP No thanks, I'd rather just self-harm. She burns herself on a pipe in the dream that also burns her in the real world. HEATHER LANGENKAMP Experiencing pain pulls me out of the dream world. I guess getting your guts ripped open wasn’t painful enough to wake up Amanda. Meanwhile JSU is arrested and falls asleep in his cell. ROBERT ENGLUND I am going to terrorize you with my shocking lack of quips. JSU GARCIA Hey that's not scary. ROBERT ENGLUND What if I wrap you up in these dirty bed sheets? JSU GARCIA Oh no, that’s my worst fear. (is hanged) HEATHER LANGENKAMP I have to find a way to stop Robby. Better fall asleep again and hope I don’t get killed. She does and pulls ROBERT’s pimpin fedora out of her dream and into the real world. HEATHER LANGENKAMP If only I had dreamed of a million dollars. Anyway now I have a plan to beat Robby. Johnny, I’ll need your help so don’t fall asleep and get killed. JOHNNY DEPP Right. (instantly falls asleep) JOHNNY falls through a hole in his bed where ROBERT has installed some kind of wood chipper that spews a geyser of Depp-flavored blood onto the ceiling.