“Thank God the door still works, I was worried we’d NEVER find a way through!”
FADE IN: EXT. PRETTY FIELD FULL OF PRETTY FLOWERS, 1917--AND THAT SHOULD BE THE ONLY SCENE HEADER WE GET, SO SETTLE IN AND BUCKLE UP FOLKS! Resting calmly beneath a clear sky, all is good for DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN and GEORGE MACKAY except for the tiny detail of them being BRITISH SOLDIERS DURING WORLD WAR ONE which makes things more kind of SHIT. OFFICER Wake up, Lance Corporal Chapman! You've been selected for an unspecified mission of unknown risk, that may or may not involve crossing No Man's Land. Now pick someone to go with you. DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN (thinks) Can I pick Wonder Woman? OFFICER Sorry no. DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN How about Wolverine, or as he's currently known, James Howlett? OFFICER Also no. DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN Did we get the rights to ANY immortal heroes who were active during WW1? OFFICER Negative. DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN In that case I pick my buddy here, George MacKay. Who knows, maybe we have to win a Caillou lookalike contest. GEORGE and DEAN-CHARLES walk over to the TRENCHES and walk into COLIN FIRTH'S BUNKER. COLIN FIRTH Good day gentlemen. Seems we're having a spot of bother with sixteen hundred of our men about to get massacred in an ambush or some nonsense. Do pop across enemy territory to warn them, there's a good chap. DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN That's my brother's regiment! I'll for sure complete this mission now, to save my BROTHER! GEORGE MACKAY Cool. I'll worry about the other fifteen hundred and ninety-nine people. COLIN FIRTH Now remember lads, this mission is super duper important and will require 100% focus at all times. Therefore, you'll be doing it as a single unbroken scene, never using cuts. DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN What, never? COLIN FIRTH No. Never. FULL COMPANY What, neVAAAAAAAH?!?? COLIN FIRTH Well, hardly ever. Here's the paper with my orders, and here is utterly nothing to keep it safe from mud or water. GEORGE and DEAN-CHARLES walk through more TRENCHES looking for another FAMOUS ACTOR so they can begin the first stage of the mission. ANDREW SCOTT That'd be me I guess, thanks Fleabag! Right, here's the walkthrough of the first level. Go past the dead horses, through the hole in the barbed wire to the giant muck field. Turn right at the mud, through the muck, left at the mucky mud, past the mud, then left again at the muddy muck. (provides gear) Danger will lurk everywhere, so remember to save your progress when you see a typewriter. GEORGE MACKAY (nods) (walks over to manual typewriter and creates save point GEORGE DEANCHARLES LVL1) The two SOLDIERS embark across the eerily empty NO-MAN'S LAND.